Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
