she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
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