That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize