My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
