My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
