Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
So vagazzling was a success
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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