Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
