Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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