Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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