I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
