4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
