Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize