anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
