The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
