Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
