How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
