Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
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