just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Randomize
