You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
