Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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