Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
