I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
