I just pynch a tree in the face
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
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