How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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