I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
