imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
