What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
