i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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