we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
No subtext here. People are naked.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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