Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
whose ass print is on the piano?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
