So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
