I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
