He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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