So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
