i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
