Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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