so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
