I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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