imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
