I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
