If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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