garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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