I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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