They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
