he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
