Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
