do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
