Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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