I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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