i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
