It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
