I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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