True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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