she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I am one with the molecules
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
