two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
