I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
