she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
