I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
