She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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