Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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