What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize