I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize