I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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