the condom got lost in my hair
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
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